Editor's Pick
MARCH 5, 2009 9:37PM
Rate: 9
I never felt it. I never heard it tiptoe up behind me. The ice pick slammed into my brain. The cold residue formed in the exact same spot. Three times. My hand fell, my speech ceased mid-word, the room became elongated like I was looking at it through a tunnel, and I could feel my face start to slide from my skull.
I tried to get up, knocking the dining room chair over and stumbled, or rather tumbled to a living room chair, which caught me just as I would have fallen. My right leg seemed to have stayed at the table rather than move with me. I had no ability to move that leg. My arm was no help either.
Stunned, I was only able to hear the thoughts in my head, because there was no ability to make the words come out of my mouth. The connection was simply gone. Slumped in the chair, breathing became harder and labored like the oxygen was being sucked from the room. I could only see the tunnel in front of me, like a wide-angle lens gone wild. There were little tiny bugs crawling all over the ice pick holes and I wanted so much to swat them away but I could not make my arms move, the right one not at all.
When you realize that your body is failing and your brain is closing circuits while you run from corner to corner inside your head begging it to stay open for business, there is a clarity and a chaos that ensue. A panic and an eerily calm nod to the inevitable. If this was death marching up to hit me upside the head, I had clearly heard the doorbell ring. I could feel the tears of frustration because I couldn't speak. I could only tell everyone how much I loved him or her from the silence of my brain. I had a chance to regret. I had a chance to cry. I had a chance to know that there is nothing more at death's door than the knowledge of who you've been in the world that you are about to leave behind. No amount of money, looks, popularity, or things will matter at all. The only thing that matters are those you love the most. That is all you will think about. I promise.
Were I alone I think the results might have been far different. I wasn't alone and therefore things like an aspirin to chew came forward into my mouth with instructions. I wanted to obey, and in my head I did, but my mouth could only gum the aspirin as fast as I could manage knowing it might be the tiniest life raft ever. An ambulance was out of the question because it would take too long. Somehow I was shuffled to the car and driven to the hospital.
As much as you think that the greatest hospitals in the world are the place to go, they are not always the best place to go. Unless you driven in via ambulance, you will have to make your way through the metal detectors and sign in. Fortunately it was easy to prove I could not walk so I did get a wheelchair and slumped over does get you some attention. They actually tried to do an intake asking me questions. I dutifully tried to answer them, and I did, inside my head, which was fast approaching closing time. I knew I had little time left and the chills and the nauseous were taking over any calmness I had left. I was never in my life as cold and chilled as I was that night and I spent years in Vermont in 30 below temps. After the application of warmed blankets and some medications they did a CT scan of my brain to look for bleeders.
And then the unthinkable happened. I got a ridiculous headache. A huge headache. One that feels like an anvil slammed into your head from behind, and you turned around just in time to get slammed in the forehead too. At that same moment, my speech began to return, but it sounded more like Daffy Duck talking and remained that way for almost a week. After 8 hours they decided my diagnosis was a weird complicated migraine brought on by the onset of perimenopause, because they just couldn't find any reason for a stroke although the symptoms were virtual mirrors of one another. Personally, I think the aspirin saved me. I got to sign my own discharge and if you look at the signature today, it looks a lot like a two year old's scribble. It would be almost 2 weeks before I could write my name again.
Two MRIs and two neurologists later, they found some damage as though I had a concussion. Apparently virtual ice picks can do that to you. It would be two months before I had a life again. I forgot how to drive a car, not because I wasn't driving, but because I forgot. I had to re-learn a lot of silly things all over again. And during that time, waves of these things would hit and I would be incapacitated for days after. Going out in public was hard because I often sounded like the Duck. And sometimes my leg just stopped working midstride and I would tumble.
Lots of different opinions exist out there about these odd migraines. I have a terrific and modern neurologist now who doesn't accept insurance so I try not to see him very often. He is worth every penny. I still have migraines, and sometimes they can get complicated, but I have them managed.
The best part about getting to menopause is that they should subside. It has been ten years this June 16th at 7:10PM. Yes, I looked at the clock because I wanted to know the time of my own imminent death. Turns out, I got a reprieve. And plenty of migraine medication, including the lowly aspirin, which can save a life.
Never underestimate the power of that thing called perimenopause. It can be a killer.
I tried to get up, knocking the dining room chair over and stumbled, or rather tumbled to a living room chair, which caught me just as I would have fallen. My right leg seemed to have stayed at the table rather than move with me. I had no ability to move that leg. My arm was no help either.
Stunned, I was only able to hear the thoughts in my head, because there was no ability to make the words come out of my mouth. The connection was simply gone. Slumped in the chair, breathing became harder and labored like the oxygen was being sucked from the room. I could only see the tunnel in front of me, like a wide-angle lens gone wild. There were little tiny bugs crawling all over the ice pick holes and I wanted so much to swat them away but I could not make my arms move, the right one not at all.
When you realize that your body is failing and your brain is closing circuits while you run from corner to corner inside your head begging it to stay open for business, there is a clarity and a chaos that ensue. A panic and an eerily calm nod to the inevitable. If this was death marching up to hit me upside the head, I had clearly heard the doorbell ring. I could feel the tears of frustration because I couldn't speak. I could only tell everyone how much I loved him or her from the silence of my brain. I had a chance to regret. I had a chance to cry. I had a chance to know that there is nothing more at death's door than the knowledge of who you've been in the world that you are about to leave behind. No amount of money, looks, popularity, or things will matter at all. The only thing that matters are those you love the most. That is all you will think about. I promise.
Were I alone I think the results might have been far different. I wasn't alone and therefore things like an aspirin to chew came forward into my mouth with instructions. I wanted to obey, and in my head I did, but my mouth could only gum the aspirin as fast as I could manage knowing it might be the tiniest life raft ever. An ambulance was out of the question because it would take too long. Somehow I was shuffled to the car and driven to the hospital.
As much as you think that the greatest hospitals in the world are the place to go, they are not always the best place to go. Unless you driven in via ambulance, you will have to make your way through the metal detectors and sign in. Fortunately it was easy to prove I could not walk so I did get a wheelchair and slumped over does get you some attention. They actually tried to do an intake asking me questions. I dutifully tried to answer them, and I did, inside my head, which was fast approaching closing time. I knew I had little time left and the chills and the nauseous were taking over any calmness I had left. I was never in my life as cold and chilled as I was that night and I spent years in Vermont in 30 below temps. After the application of warmed blankets and some medications they did a CT scan of my brain to look for bleeders.
And then the unthinkable happened. I got a ridiculous headache. A huge headache. One that feels like an anvil slammed into your head from behind, and you turned around just in time to get slammed in the forehead too. At that same moment, my speech began to return, but it sounded more like Daffy Duck talking and remained that way for almost a week. After 8 hours they decided my diagnosis was a weird complicated migraine brought on by the onset of perimenopause, because they just couldn't find any reason for a stroke although the symptoms were virtual mirrors of one another. Personally, I think the aspirin saved me. I got to sign my own discharge and if you look at the signature today, it looks a lot like a two year old's scribble. It would be almost 2 weeks before I could write my name again.
Two MRIs and two neurologists later, they found some damage as though I had a concussion. Apparently virtual ice picks can do that to you. It would be two months before I had a life again. I forgot how to drive a car, not because I wasn't driving, but because I forgot. I had to re-learn a lot of silly things all over again. And during that time, waves of these things would hit and I would be incapacitated for days after. Going out in public was hard because I often sounded like the Duck. And sometimes my leg just stopped working midstride and I would tumble.
Lots of different opinions exist out there about these odd migraines. I have a terrific and modern neurologist now who doesn't accept insurance so I try not to see him very often. He is worth every penny. I still have migraines, and sometimes they can get complicated, but I have them managed.
The best part about getting to menopause is that they should subside. It has been ten years this June 16th at 7:10PM. Yes, I looked at the clock because I wanted to know the time of my own imminent death. Turns out, I got a reprieve. And plenty of migraine medication, including the lowly aspirin, which can save a life.
Never underestimate the power of that thing called perimenopause. It can be a killer.
Comments
LL&P did they do a EEG to rule out an Ischemic Stroke? I'm sure they did. Migraine's can be as debilitating as a mini-stroke, and sometimes more so. Many people experience Ischemic Strokes and don't even know it. When my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, it showed up on his EEG that through the years he had several mini-strokes. They light up the board.
Take good care of yourself. I get migraines from post-concussive syndrome and they put me on my back, eyes covered in complete quiet for hours. Luckily I don't get them too often.
Rated
Take good care of yourself. I get migraines from post-concussive syndrome and they put me on my back, eyes covered in complete quiet for hours. Luckily I don't get them too often.
Rated
I just KNEW it! F****n perimenopause. You're lucky to have survived. rated.
Wow. I'm glad you're okay. And DAMN I'm glad you took the aspirin.
Well, let's see. I certainly have not had any of your symptoms but I have become a raging hag who can no longer handle her liquor, something I used to be awesome at, and I bleed more than not. As soon as I can spare a month, I'm removing my existing plumbing and installing a wet bar.
PF - you always make me laugh! I love that. Peri sucks.
Blue - I am assuming they did, although I don't really remember that.
Thanks for the good thoughts! I appreciate it.
O - I am lucky The Geek thinks well under pressure. Thanks for the good thoughts.
Deborah - Totally agree. Fucktard Peri and Meno! Big troublemakers both!
Blue - I am assuming they did, although I don't really remember that.
Thanks for the good thoughts! I appreciate it.
O - I am lucky The Geek thinks well under pressure. Thanks for the good thoughts.
Deborah - Totally agree. Fucktard Peri and Meno! Big troublemakers both!
Fucking hell, that's awful. The diagnosis sounds crazy.
I'm glad you made it through okay.
I'm glad you made it through okay.
oh girl ... remember the spit test ... and the pee test ... and the blood test ...
my headaches let up a lot while I was in full on treatment, but almost immediately when I stopped I went right back to what can only be described as random symptoms of dementia. At some point on Monday, I wanted to do a post on Dr. Seuss for his birthday, but i could NOT get my fingers to type the letters in the right order. I still have some of that lingering so I'm not fast, but much, much better ... hormoes are killing some of us ... you couldn't be more right!!!
my headaches let up a lot while I was in full on treatment, but almost immediately when I stopped I went right back to what can only be described as random symptoms of dementia. At some point on Monday, I wanted to do a post on Dr. Seuss for his birthday, but i could NOT get my fingers to type the letters in the right order. I still have some of that lingering so I'm not fast, but much, much better ... hormoes are killing some of us ... you couldn't be more right!!!
shit, lulu. this makes my perimenopause poem a walk in the park. i am so glad it was not a stroke, and you have recovered. now i wonder if this persistent twitch i have in my left eyelid is a symptom....
Holy crap, woman! That must have been terrifying!
A friend in Houston had one of these once. It's called a Hemiplegic migraine, "characterized by paralysis or weakness of one side of the body, mimicking a stroke. The paralysis or weakness is usually temporary, but sometimes it can last for days." Sounds like you got the deluxe version.
I've noticed my migraines have worsened dramatically since I started perimenopause. For some women with this reaction, the migraines get better or even disappear entirely when they're through menopause. I'm really hoping I'm one of those women. I hope you are too!
A friend in Houston had one of these once. It's called a Hemiplegic migraine, "characterized by paralysis or weakness of one side of the body, mimicking a stroke. The paralysis or weakness is usually temporary, but sometimes it can last for days." Sounds like you got the deluxe version.
I've noticed my migraines have worsened dramatically since I started perimenopause. For some women with this reaction, the migraines get better or even disappear entirely when they're through menopause. I'm really hoping I'm one of those women. I hope you are too!
Oh my! This truly was a brush with death. I'm not sure I agree with the diagnosis they gave you. It seems like there must have been something to cause such severe symptoms. Thank God you took the aspirin.
Have you ever had another episode like this one? Were you put on any medication other than preventative aspirin? Scary, scary stuff.
Have you ever had another episode like this one? Were you put on any medication other than preventative aspirin? Scary, scary stuff.
No comments:
Post a Comment