Editor's Pick
OCTOBER 4, 2010 11:03PM
Rate: 22
looky! I'm a bat!
We were slowly getting used to the sound of the country-living-night-kitchen-chorus. Frogs in the pond sang an off key choral production called Ribbit. Crickets were never in the same pitch as the frogs, so it sounded like two competing orchestras tuning up (badly) all night long.
The flying things were the most disturbing. Winged bugs sound louder in the dark of night, but there was the occasional mighty big whoosh that meant only one thing. Bats, extra large. We knew they were residing in the attic and had yet to figure out a peaceful way to ask them to vacate. A simple exterminator eviction notice would not suffice since they were protected by law. That they were the size of house-cats should not go without notice.
One early fall night, perhaps distracted by its sonar needing a tune up, a misguided giant bat flew into the child’s room through an open window. The waking-the-dead-screams sounded like she was having another Indiana Jones nightmare which was happening with great frequency since she saw the movie (thank you Lemon Loving in-laws).
We flew down the stairs from our bedroom expecting to find the child under the covers hiding from the phantom snakes again. But this time she was in the closet peeking out, speaking in tongues about a flying monkey from the Wizard of Oz. We assumed it was a nightmare, but she kept pointing to the door, which by the way, is where we were standing. The penny dropped at the same time that we heard the rustling from behind us. Big bad rustling.
I do believe that was the first moment that I began to go gray and I was not yet 33 years old. I’d never seen a flying housecat, or a flying rat, but this thing came close. Those beady eyes were riveting in the way that an oncoming train might be if you were sitting smack in the middle of the tracks and forget that your feet have purpose. I froze. The bat froze. As the child slammed the door to her closet – I swear I could hear her diving for the dirty clothes pile – my husband said, and I have a direct quote here: “RUN!”
Yelling for her to stay in her closet, we could hear the flying wombat circling like a crazed ping pong ball trying to get back out the open window that obviously needed a screen.
We sacrificed a pillow case and attached it to a tennis racket with twist ties. MacGyver the Geek was attired properly for battle, wearing woodstove/fireplace gloves, pajamas, and work boots, because no fool would dress to capture a bat without steel toed, felt lined shoes. He slid into the room slamming the door shut and yelled for the child to remain still. Apparently her silence from the bottom of the dirty clothes pile in the closed closet was distracting him.
I heard a lot of thumping, things falling over, and a few words that he ordinarily would not utter in front of the small child except when driving, and then a final thud and silence.
He came out the room, sweating just a little, holding the closed but gyrating pillow case in his gloved hands and scurried to the door. He let the flying rat go and dumped the pillow case in the garbage on the way back in. Stunned, the bat just sat there and then testing those giant wings went soaring into the night. I’d like to say it flew far away but the sucker flew right back toward the chimney and into the attic. I didn’t sleep a wink that night on the 2nd floor just underneath that attic. The child was found the next morning sleeping peacefully in her pile of dirty clothes in the closet though we had tucked her back in bed.
By that weekend every window had a screen. The bats found a new home when they realized that we were screening up the attic vents. They poached somewhere else for the remainder of the season and never were seen again. The only soul disappointed at their disappearance was the cat who spent far too much time on the roof next to that chimney. Thankfully he had all his rabies shots.
To make it up to the kid, we went apple picking, bringing home a couple of bushels of crispy tart apples that begged to be made into pies, applesauce, muffins, and apple pancakes.
All these years later, even though we are on the other coast now and never live in old houses anymore, I still think of October as apple pie month. Even when the weather is warm and the sun is shining, we indulge. This apple pie is gluten free, and the crumb topping goes smashingly well with a bit of vanilla gelato.
Gluten Free Country House Apple Crumb Pie
Ingredients- Single 9 inch gluten free pie crust
- 6 large green or mixed apples peeled and sliced thinly
- Pinch of cinnamon
- ½ cup gluten free oat flour (Bob’s Red Mill)
- ½ cup Authentic Foods Brand Gluten Free Sweet Rice Flour
- ½ cup Almond Flour (Bob’s Red Mill)
- ½ cup white sugar
- 1 stick unsalted organic butter
- Pinch of xanthan gum
Preheat oven to 350.
Using a gluten free mix, or frozen gluten free pie shell, or this recipe here or here (Gluten Free Girl & the Chef) prepare a single 9 inch pie shell and chill while assembling the other ingredients.
Peel and slice the apples thinly into circles on two sides. Thinly cut the remaining sides (like planks). Place the circles overlapping one another in the pie shell and alternate with the planks. The arrangement is totally up to you but fill the pie shell with all the apples.
In a food processor scoop in the flours, sugar, cinnamon, xanthan gum and cut the stick of butter into small pieces and place on top of the mixture. Pulse just a few times leaving large lumps of flour coated butter. Take out the sharp blade. Scoop with your hand and sprinkle over the apple mixture. You will have a little bit left over that can be used as a streusel topping on muffins later on. Refrigerate the left-over topping.
Place pie on a baking sheet to catch drips and bake for about 50 minutes or until the apples begin to bubble and the topping is brown. Cool on a rack until just warm and serve with a generous scoop of vanilla gelato.
Note: you can substitute regular all-purpose flour and leave out the xanthan gum. Use a regular frozen pie crust or your favorite recipe. You can precook the apples a little bit by placing them in a sauté pan, cooking over low heat for about ten minutes. Use as much or as little of the topping as you wish. There is no sugar in the apple mixture because the topping is plenty sweet.
Bon appétit.
Comments
Now how the hell did you do that? Turn in a hair raising bat flying nightmare into apple pie? Amazing.
the funny thing about that closet was that it forever gave me heebie jeebies because when we first moved there and I left the window open it became the Giant Moth Cavern and I didn't go in there unless I performed major reconnaisance first.
Your whole post is wonderful but I'd rate it for the picture alone.~r
I love bat stories!!! And the Apple pie at the end ain't no slouch, neither.
Large bats freak me out, but you survived and have a great recipe to add to it - awesome!
It's incidents like this that convince me that nature is not my friend.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMM....PPPPPPPPPPPiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee
MMMMMMMMMMMMMM....PPPPPPPPPPPiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee
I'm going to try this....for I am the pie queen. Poppie laughs, I'm serious.... The corn product cancels the good. Yucca or tapioca would be better.
If it wasn't so darned expensive, I'd go pick you a peck of Empires and ship them off.
A fine October tale, with a nice treat at the end. And no tricks. :-D
A fine October tale, with a nice treat at the end. And no tricks. :-D
Bwahaha! While I know that the bat must have freaked all of you out, your experience made for such a fun read. The image of the girl sleeping on her clothes pile in the closet is precious beyond words.
:)
This is a wonderful post and I always think of October as apple pie month too. -R-
After encountering a bat that size, I think I'd sleep in the closet too! Preferably in someone else's house. =o)
But I could recover my courage with some of that apple pie.
But I could recover my courage with some of that apple pie.
What a wonderful story! You tell it so well! And the recipe ends it all on such a sweet note. My kids happen to like bats but this kind of experience could have cured them.
You give tasty new meaning to "All's well that ends well."
Yikes! and Yum! I did once rescue a bat that had fallen from a tree and lay on the ground, stunned. Then, I didn't know what to do with it. I mean, what the hell do you do with it? Bats are ten steps less cuddly than even a rat. I held it in my gloved hand for a while and then it perked up and flew away.
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