JUNE 15, 2010 12:43AM
Rate: 17
little con-savant with lemon loving grandpa
Instead of entering kindergarten with the ability to sing sweet French children's songs or count in Italian, our youngest girl had brilliantly mastered con-artistry 101 for preschoolers; as in how to set up a mark perfectly where the score usually involved something sweet, gooey and commercially made. Perhaps we shouldn't have skipped curriculum day at her preschool?
At the Maine seashore with the adorable grandchild, the lemon loving in-laws didn’t heed our warning; to watch for the special twinkle in her eye when the little con-savant came alive. Locating her mark, a family with the better picnic, she followed that other grandpa into the ocean. Before the elderly guy could blink, the child bobbed up from underwater, grabbed his hand and told him she was a very hungry girl, maybe even an orphan, and could she join their happy family picnic.
Her lemon loving grandpa fetched her back before the family could offer a cupcake or adoption papers. Taking her for ice cream, he encouraged her to order coconut. Mid bite, he whispered that coconut ice cream was really onion ice cream made for little-girl con artists. Dropping it like a hot potato, she burst into tears, and to this day will not eat coconut anything. Payback, lemon loving style.
Gooey junk food was mostly absent in our house. Free range raisins, apples, celery, carrots, peanut butter, whole wheat bread, and whole milk were not the stuff that television commercials suggest you should eat or so the child reminded us repeatedly. Popcorn was probably the most outrageous thing in the cupboard.
The savant emerged once again mid term, 3rd grade. Country neighbor, the school Principal, called to inform us the child had been fingered by the lunch monitor. Solicitous and concerned just in case it might be true, he asked if we had gotten the packet of information sent home with the girl. What packet I asked? Now he was a little embarrassed. The school had sent home an application for food stamps and the free lunch program - worthy programs for those in need.
Apparently the child had been getting sympathy lunch goodies from assorted kids for a few weeks. Some marks moms even packed extra to give to that poor girl whose family had no food. By now she was regularly filling up on gooey; soft white bread sandwiches, twinkies, hostess cupcakes, packaged cookies, and Jell-o pudding cups (thank you Bill Cosby).
She tossed her whole wheat sandwich, apple and Fig-Newton lunches in the trash before entering school. At lunch-time she’d sit there looking sad and pathetic. Soon the story got around that the family had no food in the house and we were dirt poor, and the children were about to be orphans. The latter, possibly - but the former, not as much.
Stunned, the only response I could muster was a stifled giggle and a four letter word. Relieved and laughing too, the Principal suggested Juvenille Hall where she could teach art of the lunch con 101.
Instead, she faced the humiliation of having to write an apology note to each kid and mom who had sent extra food for the oh-so- poor-waif. The lunch monitor watched her like a hawk.
When all the letters were signed sealed, delivered and she ate from her own lunch box for the next week, we offered a nudge toward détente. Picking out a favorite cookie of the week, she and I would make a small batch. Chocolate chip. I made so many that I couldn’t stand the sight of chocolate chips for years.
But recently, wandering by Scharffenberger Chocolate at the Ferry Building in San Francisco, I saw a glass domed plate piled high with the thinnest chocolate chip cookies I’d ever seen. They’re from Robert Scharffenberger’s Chocolate Book. The confection was created by my favorite chocolate teacher, Alice Medrich. I was smitten enough to modify the recipe to gluten free, and they are fabulous.
Though she is an adult with little boys of her own these days, I am guessing she would beam that adorable little smile if her mom made her a batch of these chocolate chip thins.
Gluten Free Really Skinny Chocolate Chunk Cookies
Ingredients
- 1 ¼ cups flour (pinch of xanthan gum with gluten free flour)
- heaping ½ teaspoon baking soda
- 10 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted (but not hot)
- scant ½ cup toasted oats (Bob's Red Mill for gluten free oats)
- heaping ½ cup white sugar
- packed ¼ cup brown sugar
- 2 ½ tablespoons light corn syrup
- 2 tablespoons cream
- pinch salt
- splash of vanilla
- 1 bag of Scharffenberger semi sweet or bittersweet chocolate chunks or about 7 ounces of chocolate chunked with a knife
Directions
Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Line three baking sheets with foil.
Mix flour, salt and baking soda together in a small bowl. Set aside.
Melt butter in microwave. In a large bowl mix toasted oats and melted butter. Stir in sugar, corn syrup, cream, vanilla and mix well. Stir in the flour mixture until incorporated. Make sure the dough is room temperature or cooler before adding the chocolate chunks – or they will melt.
¼ cup scoop and no more than 5 to a cookie sheet. They spread. Using a piece of plastic wrap over the dough, flatten the cookies to about 3 inches wide.
Bake about 18-20 minutes until lightly brown but not shiny. Rotate the sheets halfway. Slide the foil carefully onto cooling racks without touching the cookies. Peel the cookies from the foil only when cooled completely.
Bon appétit.
Comments
Fortunately her talent turned into a great gift. May her little boys follow in her footsteps.....oh wait. They already do!
Lisa, if all you ever did was food posts I'd say you were a highly accomplished blogger. As it is, we get high quality political posts and human interest posts (and the occasional very cute pet post), too. These cookies look wonderful. Must try.
thank you, Kathy. blushing. btw, fantastic cookies. like no other.
yummmy!!!! I have happily blacked out all humiliating moments of my childhood! Yes, the little hooligans are following suite!
They look really great
yum.
I was having flashbacks to my friend Johanna P. while I read about your daughter's lunches. Johanna always brought a brown bag (no Partridge Family lunchbox for her) with a really thick homemade bread sandwich, apple and milk. Her parents were total hippies - I remember they didn't mow their lawn and the grass in their yard was up to my waist. I think I got too cool for Johanna by 8th grade but I sure wish I knew her today.
I was having flashbacks to my friend Johanna P. while I read about your daughter's lunches. Johanna always brought a brown bag (no Partridge Family lunchbox for her) with a really thick homemade bread sandwich, apple and milk. Her parents were total hippies - I remember they didn't mow their lawn and the grass in their yard was up to my waist. I think I got too cool for Johanna by 8th grade but I sure wish I knew her today.
What a wonderful story. Aren't kids the greatest and the most mischievous all at the same time? Great Post.
I'm a very hungry girl, possibly an orphan . . . One of the best lines EVAH! funny. I love the lemon-loving family and your food pictures.
I'm a very hungry girl, possibly an orphan . . . One of the best lines EVAH! funny. I love the lemon-loving family and your food pictures.
I just read mamoore's comment - I, too, brought thick whole-wheat bread PB and Honey sandwiches for lunch, accompanied by carrot and celery sticks and an apple. Wish I'd known the art of the con . . . as it was, I lusted for potato chips and twinkies! (and those cookies look divine!)
Lisa! This is hands-down my very favorite story of yours. Every word was perfectly chosen and a delight to read. Your daughter must have been quite a smart cookie (pun intended) to conjure up all of those schemes.
Oh man. Everyone knows the long con has the highest risk of getting nabbed. Multiple short cons get you less, but you have a better chance at not getting caught.
Will children never learn?)
Will children never learn?)
A gluten-free cookie -- yay! Hilarious post, I think I was a kindred spirit to your daughter, I behaved similarly with the liverwurst on wheat and carrot sticks lunches I had, hoping for Cheetos
Growing up in the 70s and early 80s, I thought we were poor because my mom made almost all homemade food. Not bread or stuff, but cooked at home and only some canned things. I learned to cook on my own and eat well, with teenage interludes into Burger King and bags of chips here and there.
So it turns out it was a good choice. I have no major health issues. Sadly, most kids are as turned on by food with labels and colors as they are with all marketing stuff. As we are on a food allergen cleanse diet, I will reward my sweetie pie with those cookies next week !
So it turns out it was a good choice. I have no major health issues. Sadly, most kids are as turned on by food with labels and colors as they are with all marketing stuff. As we are on a food allergen cleanse diet, I will reward my sweetie pie with those cookies next week !
Too funny! I love your little con artist. Great post.
My friend and I were just talking about the con artist in our kids...Love the gluten free recipe too-my husband and daughter are Celiac. Thanks. R
Hold on a second.
"Gooey junk food was mostly absent in our house. Free range raisins, apples, celery, carrots, peanut butter, whole wheat bread, and whole milk were not the stuff that television commercials suggest you should eat or so the child reminded us repeatedly. Popcorn was probably the most outrageous thing in the cupboard."
then this:
"recently, wandering by Scharffenberger Chocolate at the Ferry Building in San Francisco, I saw a glass domed plate piled high with the thinnest chocolate chip cookies I’d ever seen. They’re from Robert Scharffenberger’s Chocolate Book. The confection was created by my favorite chocolate teacher, Alice Medrich."
Will you be appearing on Oprah anytime soon to explain this snacking discrepancy? Apples and celery, or Sharffenberger chocolate? Perhaps there is more than one sugary con artist in Lulu and Phoebe's house.
"Gooey junk food was mostly absent in our house. Free range raisins, apples, celery, carrots, peanut butter, whole wheat bread, and whole milk were not the stuff that television commercials suggest you should eat or so the child reminded us repeatedly. Popcorn was probably the most outrageous thing in the cupboard."
then this:
"recently, wandering by Scharffenberger Chocolate at the Ferry Building in San Francisco, I saw a glass domed plate piled high with the thinnest chocolate chip cookies I’d ever seen. They’re from Robert Scharffenberger’s Chocolate Book. The confection was created by my favorite chocolate teacher, Alice Medrich."
Will you be appearing on Oprah anytime soon to explain this snacking discrepancy? Apples and celery, or Sharffenberger chocolate? Perhaps there is more than one sugary con artist in Lulu and Phoebe's house.
yum, yum. Can't go wrong with Alice Medrich - her books are wonderful. Guess I'll have to make chocolate chip cookies today. Love your story!
God love you! I am always on the hunt for new gluten free cookie recipes. This one looks amazing! Will test it soon.
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